I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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