i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
