my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
