we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
50% drunk capacity currently
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
