I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
