No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize