Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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