Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
