can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
