was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
