I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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