I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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