dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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