You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I need a beard to bite.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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