maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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