Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
