i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
