Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
