everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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