gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
