His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
