Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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