he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
They took my balls.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
