Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
