garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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