The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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