I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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