I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
