Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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