Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
