matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
