this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize