I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
