Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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