R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
