On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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