im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize