U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
