Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
