They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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