I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Someone signed my nipple.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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