I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
