you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize