At least make sure they are 18
Why
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
