my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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