Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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