Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
