Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
