We won't sleep together?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
