I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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