Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
