4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
