is your mom at the bar?
Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
