I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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