i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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