I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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