Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
