morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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