OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
