I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize