So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
