I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
