I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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