I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
