Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just google imaged poop.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
