Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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