big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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