I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
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