I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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