You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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