She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
