Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
