guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
