Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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