Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I forget how to act sober
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
