So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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