Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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