The maid of honor just puked.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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