ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
