Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
