Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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