Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(905): View more from Toronto

Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.

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(301): View more from Maryland

I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...

(443): View more from Maryland

How'd that go?

(301): View more from Maryland

Hes on his way with a baseball bat...

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(512): View more from Texas

that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club

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(303): View more from Colorado

Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.

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(205): View more from Alabama

i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP

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(845): View more from New York

Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person

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(901): View more from Tennessee

All the doctor said was why

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(209): View more from California

So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...

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