I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
