we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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