billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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