So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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