i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
