she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
