Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
two words: eviction party
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
