her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
