guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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