Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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