You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
