Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Don't EVER smell your tampon
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
