after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Everything about him screamed your future.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
