So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
