I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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