Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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